(wagon) wheels off in a ditch

Let’s discuss Wells Fargo’s “friendly” Wachovia Takeover. As a Wachovia customer, I’d like to say that Wells Fargo is sucking big time and I miss banking with the company whose name sounds like a congested sneeze! Numerous friends of mine have had ridiculous issues ever since the takeover. Let’s talk about sundry things that irk me.

One thing I find putrid is the fact that they clearly have no one on staff at Wells Fargo HQ with an eye for decent design. Someone should have circled the wagons (I know! The puns are limitless!), possibly ‘round a campfire, and pointed out that their colors of “brandy red” and “golden nuggs” were going to clash ludicrously with Wachovia’s signature navy and gray. I challenge you to drive by a converted Wachovia and view the blue-gray building freshly adorned with a red and gold sign and tell me that you don’t feel deeply displeasured by the sight.

What’s with their logo? A STAGE COACH? Really? This is 2010, using a defunct form of transportation for your mascot is…interesting. It basically says, “We’re antiquated and proud!” Didn’t bandits rob stage coaches back in the olden days? Is this the best theme to go with for a financial institution? Why not take it a step further and have the tellers sport prairie togs such as bonnets and chaps? I wonder if they’ve remodeled the interior of my local Wachovia branch to include a saloon and general store? Have they installed the fun swingy doors? Can I barter my home-made jams in exchange for an account transcript? What about a well-oiled saddle for a Roth IRA? Is the branch manager now referred to as The Sheriff?

Why not do it up in full western regalia, I ask? Why not frame out the existing Wachovias with logs for a cabin-esque feel? Go whole hog with wagon wheel lights, burlap curtains, and hay on the floor. Wells Fargo can offer customers the option of playing horseshoes or participating in a square dance showdown while they wait their turn at the counter. Don’t half-ass it, Wells Fargo! It’s time to open a can of mercantilism and giddy up!

In all seriousness, I’m considering changing banks. I think it might be time for me to raise up off this wagon train while it’s still only partially off the trail. Although…if barn dances will soon be offered as part of my Wells Fargo Visa Rewards, I might stick around.